my distorted heart

lately, i feel like i've been drifting around like a zombie.

i feel like crap.

i literally don't know what i should do.
and the worst part is, i'm having relationship issues.

i mean, i'm not even 20, that should be the least of my problems.
people my age just don't get beaten up over those kinda things. :(

half of the time, i let my jealousy get the best of me.

and most of the time, i don't even show the slightest bit of being jealous.
'cause i just keep it all bottled up inside.

when i see him chatting with other girls, maybe it's just saying hi or something, it still bugs me.
i know i sound like a five year old, but , that's just me.

i mean, i'm sure it's normal for every guy to want to make friends with other girls.
but,

huh... how do i say this?

it just makes me unhappy to see him calling other girls 'leng lui', wanting to get to know them and stuff like that,

and all this while, i had said nothing to him cause it's just not me to bring up things like that.

i pretend that everything's okay,

that nothing's wrong.
that i don't know a thing,

but with each scond that passes by,
i kinda die a little inside.

maybe it's me. (well, i think it's mostly me),

i mean, i shouldn't be sooo narrow minded.
i know how guys hate their girlfriends to control every part of their life,

and i've never tried to take control of his life except for maybe prohibiting him for drinking too much.

but, ugh,
i should just stop yepping and just try to fix this problem.

but, how do i start? :(

i guess i should just let him do what he wants.

RIGHT,
okay,
 so i guess i will put this aside and TRY to act normal again.

but, can i ever?